Decision Made

Salut!

Well, It’s official. Since before I set foot in France, I was dreading the time when I would have to make the decision to stay in France for the semester, or to extend my stay to the year. I dreaded it at different stages for different reasons. At first, it was because I thought I was going to love it so much and want to stay, but want to return to have another semester at Holy Cross and to see all my friends and my life at Holy Cross. However, once I arrived and was about two or three months into my experience here, I was dreading it because my homesickness and discomfort told me to go home, but my brain told me to stay and get over this hump of difficulty and truly reap the benefits of this experience. And so, super difficult decision making, a few tears, and lots of e-mails, skypes, and phone calls ensued.

I am staying in Strasbourg for the year.

This is scary and exciting for me to say. Honestly, I am so afraid that I will remain homesick and lonely for the rest of my time in France, but I know that even if that happens, I am learning so so much and always have so much love and support at home. And for those who I will not see because you’re graduating or leaving, know that you weighed heavy in my heart while making this decision but that I will definitely see you soon!

So, let’s talk about what keeps me here!

1) My host family. Everyone from Holy Cross with me is probably sick of me talking about my host family. But they are probably the driving force behind me being able to follow through with my decision. But when you live with a family that watches movies with you, asks you about your day, makes you laugh, and is happy you are living with them, it isn’t hard to want to stay with them. And the reactions of my host sisters when I told them I would be staying immediately assured me of what I was saying.

2) Self-growth. Already, I feel more confident, if just a little bit. I often go into situations here in France and think, the next time I do this in English I’m not going to worry at. all. But even just learning things about myself that I didn’t really realize is an immense positive of this experience. I hope once I stay for a few more months, I can really reap the fruits of this time abroad.

3) Travel. I just returned from my All Saints Day week vacation. And all I can say is that I need to stay and travel more, the chance to see the world is at my feet finally and I have such a drive to take it.

4) French. I am getting better at French. Which is so awesome. I need to work on my accent and pronunciation for sure, and of course I have a long way to go, but it’s amazing to see progress and hope for even more!

5) Family visit! I cannot wait for my family to see this place and meet my host family. I can imagine how happy they’ll be to see where I’ve been living for the past months!

Ok, so that’s that. I thank so so much everyone who has shown me so much support in my decision. I truly can’t believe how great everyone is at home who I’ve told about my decision and the struggle to make it. It seems somehow that I have strengthened some friendships while being 1000s of miles away!

Thank you all for your continued love, prayers, and contact!

Love and Peace (L’amour et la paix)

Jessica

PS A friend recently read my blog and told me I was really honest. I think this is a compliment, because you are all people who are in some way invested in my well being or in learning about an abroad experience in France, and therefore, I hope my honesty benefits you. For those who will study abroad and are looking at this, please don’t be discouraged by my difficult feelings so far in this experience. I am 100% glad that I went abroad and think this is one of the most rewarding and coolest experiences I’ve ever had. However, I think some people forget that living abroad includes a lot of challenges and difficult times, and I have never been one to hide that from people when they ask. So, if anyone is afraid/anxious that I am struggling either because you are worried or you want to go abroad but are afraid, please, please talk to me! jpvoze17@g.holycross.edu. I would love to chat!

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