I was still on a bus to Amsterdam when Efi leaned over to tell Renata and I that there had been terrorist attacks in Paris. I don’t really know anyone in Paris; I have no friends or family there, unlike the many people I know in Strasbourg. In fact, two of my host siblings consider the capital, Paris, their home since they work and live there. I’ve been there a few times now (that’s crazy) but most of my family and friends know that I live about a 3-hour train ride from the city. Nonetheless, the events were truly shocking and upsetting. The amount of texts, check-ins, and facebook messages I received was overwhelming and it was amazing to see the concern and love people have for me. However, it reminded me of how absolutely devastating this event was.

After Efi had me call my mom to tell her I was absolutely fine, Renata and I fell into a discussion about terrorism, injustice, capitalism… some pretty deep stuff. Because it’s easier to talk about heavy topics such as the one’s mentioned, rather than feeling heart-broken over the fact that so many innocent people were just killed by extremists responding to their conditions with violence and hate. And when Facebook messages surfaced telling me to pray for Paris or news about other attacks that happened across the world, it seemed like everything was falling apart. I feel selfish even considering this blog to be about me right now, but it’s a fact of life that these events affect all of us, even those who are halfway around the world, or a 3 hours travel from it.

So, how do I respond to events like these? To the fact that a girl in your class lost a friend to the tragedy, or to the fact that my host mom had to frantically call two of her children to make sure they were okay? How do I laugh and be happy after people were ruthlessly killed or those some people aren’t granted media access to their immense tragedy because the media outlets are racially and culturally biased? How do you respond when you can’t do… anything?

I read an article that suggested a pretty solid answer: solidarity. But how? “Let your heart break… but not stay that way.” Grieving for people you don’t know isn’t selfish or overly emotional, it is human and compassionate. Pray for Paris and Beirut and Japan and the world. But God can only do some much, short of overstepping our free will if we don’t act on our compassion: “Christ has no hands but yours, not feet but yours” (Teresa of Avila). So what now?

Pray. Be informed. A professor once told me that there are two stages to changing the world, the struggle for knowledge and the struggle for action (paraphrasing Hobgood). It is okay that we’re only in the first stage. Learn, share, teach, and understand. Knowledge really is power.

This event also made me really think of a question that I can’t get out of my head and can’t answer. How do I live my life to matter? How do I make a difference in this world where so much violence and hate is so prevalent? Where, even when I speak up, the world’s darkness and criticism overshadow me?

LOVE and PEACE,

Jessica

Ahh… Vacation is over. Darn.

But What. A. Week. As previously expressed, it’s actually super crazy that I got the chance to go to Ireland and Scotland. And so now I want to tell you about it!

I left on a bus to Paris Saturday, the 24^th, which then connected to a flight to Shannon, Ireland. Sinead, Mark, and I surprisingly didn’t have any problems traveling or anything (I don’t know, itsurprised me everything went well). There was a lot of traveling between places, but it was all worth it. For instance, we took an hour cab ride to Galway, Ireland, after landing in Shannon (the cars drive on the left side of the road!). In Galway, we stayed in a Bed and Breakfast which was awesomeeee. The first encounter with the Irish was the man who owned the B&B serving us breakfast and explaining how we catch a bus. So. Nice. Overall, I was blown away by how friendly (sociable) most people were that we met in Ireland and Scotland. And I cannot believe how happy I was to speak in English. It was like my personality had been slightly repressed by the inability to speak French fluently, and now all the Irish had to hear me talk more than I needed to.

In Galway we saw the magnificent Cliffs of Moher. Don’t tell my mom, but there are no guard rails on the cliffs and you can walk right up to the edge and look over (I may have done that… it blew my mind). 700 feet high, the cliffs were truly incredible. During that day, we also got to see Irish countryside and eat in an Irish pub for lunch (ahh how I missed mashed potatoes).

After Galway, we traversed Ireland in less than 3 hours (wow.) and arrived in the city of Dublin. From the minute I got off the bus, I was sold. I didn’t want to leave the city of lively pubs, friendly souls, and impressive momuments. And let’s not forget the fact that I got to see one of my good friends, Emily! As she said, from Wheeler 319 (roommates) to Trinity College (where she studies), Dublin, Ireland! It was wonderful seeing her!

We spent our time in Dublin well, seeing the Guinness Storehouse, Trinity College, Grafton Street, and drinking hot chocolate and seeing live Irish performers play in the pubs. What a animated city!

The last leg of our journey was to Ecosse (Scotland)! We visited Edinburgh for two days. The city astounded me! Not like anything I expected- all the buildings reminded me of castles, and the entire city is on a hill! We got to visit Mary King’s Close, which is the underground remains of real streets and houses that have since been covered and turned into foundation of the present day Edinburgh. Additionally, we hiked up King Arthur’s Seat, which was a lot longer and higher and craggier than we expected, yet we felt accomplished when we arrived at the top!

Sinead and I spent Halloween in Paris, mostly in a Starbucks drinking Pumpkin Spice Lattes to celebrate the holiday. Our bus departed Paris at 9:30pm and arrived at 3am (ekkk) Saturday morning. I finally crawled into bed at 4am and didn’t get out of my bed til 11:45am! All Saints Day was met with Netflix and mass at 7pm, which was awesome as I understood a lot of the homily! Then I came home to my host family! They had also been on vacation, and dinner was a great time, I missed them!

Anyway, here we are, back at it! Hope your week is going well!

Love and Peace,

Jessica

Salut!

Well, It’s official. Since before I set foot in France, I was dreading the time when I would have to make the decision to stay in France for the semester, or to extend my stay to the year. I dreaded it at different stages for different reasons. At first, it was because I thought I was going to love it so much and want to stay, but want to return to have another semester at Holy Cross and to see all my friends and my life at Holy Cross. However, once I arrived and was about two or three months into my experience here, I was dreading it because my homesickness and discomfort told me to go home, but my brain told me to stay and get over this hump of difficulty and truly reap the benefits of this experience. And so, super difficult decision making, a few tears, and lots of e-mails, skypes, and phone calls ensued.

I am staying in Strasbourg for the year.

This is scary and exciting for me to say. Honestly, I am so afraid that I will remain homesick and lonely for the rest of my time in France, but I know that even if that happens, I am learning so so much and always have so much love and support at home. And for those who I will not see because you’re graduating or leaving, know that you weighed heavy in my heart while making this decision but that I will definitely see you soon!

So, let’s talk about what keeps me here!

1) My host family. Everyone from Holy Cross with me is probably sick of me talking about my host family. But they are probably the driving force behind me being able to follow through with my decision. But when you live with a family that watches movies with you, asks you about your day, makes you laugh, and is happy you are living with them, it isn’t hard to want to stay with them. And the reactions of my host sisters when I told them I would be staying immediately assured me of what I was saying.

2) Self-growth. Already, I feel more confident, if just a little bit. I often go into situations here in France and think, the next time I do this in English I’m not going to worry at. all. But even just learning things about myself that I didn’t really realize is an immense positive of this experience. I hope once I stay for a few more months, I can really reap the fruits of this time abroad.

3) Travel. I just returned from my All Saints Day week vacation. And all I can say is that I need to stay and travel more, the chance to see the world is at my feet finally and I have such a drive to take it.

4) French. I am getting better at French. Which is so awesome. I need to work on my accent and pronunciation for sure, and of course I have a long way to go, but it’s amazing to see progress and hope for even more!

5) Family visit! I cannot wait for my family to see this place and meet my host family. I can imagine how happy they’ll be to see where I’ve been living for the past months!

Ok, so that’s that. I thank so so much everyone who has shown me so much support in my decision. I truly can’t believe how great everyone is at home who I’ve told about my decision and the struggle to make it. It seems somehow that I have strengthened some friendships while being 1000s of miles away!

Thank you all for your continued love, prayers, and contact!

Love and Peace (L’amour et la paix)

Jessica

PS A friend recently read my blog and told me I was really honest. I think this is a compliment, because you are all people who are in some way invested in my well being or in learning about an abroad experience in France, and therefore, I hope my honesty benefits you. For those who will study abroad and are looking at this, please don’t be discouraged by my difficult feelings so far in this experience. I am 100% glad that I went abroad and think this is one of the most rewarding and coolest experiences I’ve ever had. However, I think some people forget that living abroad includes a lot of challenges and difficult times, and I have never been one to hide that from people when they ask. So, if anyone is afraid/anxious that I am struggling either because you are worried or you want to go abroad but are afraid, please, please talk to me! jpvoze17@g.holycross.edu. I would love to chat!

Sault!

Hope this blog post finds you well. It’s getting too cold for me here in France, so I hope wherever you are reading this, it’s a little warmer (admittedly, it’s only been in the 40s, not like 2 degrees or anything)! I seriously need to buy a coat… I’m sure I’ll get around to it soon.

This week was a great one, filled with classes, excursions, movies, and friends. I started the week with a wonderful (and stereotypically French) family lunch, complete with 4 courses, wine, cheese, and dessert. We ate roast beef, which I didn’t think would make me so happy to see something so familiar (it’s also called “roast beef” in French), but I quickly learned that we don’t all cook our meat the same way, as it was the most red (by that I mean least cooked) meat I’ve ever eaten. However, it was still good and the lunch was great! After lunch I attended an evening mass with my host parents and brother, Francois.

This week I also had the exhausting but exciting task of planning my October Break. Admittedly, most credit goes to Sinead and Mark, I did almost nothing except provide moral support because my laptop battery lasts for a bit under an hour. But after today, I think we’re good to go! Crazy!

Sinead chilling with Pharaoh in Palais Universitaire while planning our trip. As you can see, I was being so helpful.

Other happenings this week include making dinner with Efi, Quynh, and Renata, which made me feel pretty french and accomplished because I made a dessert from scratch! Later in the week I went on a horseback riding trip and met some new friends! The week ended with a fascinating excursion to France’s only former concentration camp, Studof, which was sad but incredibly eye-opening. I realized I really want to learn more about the history of France and of the world in general. I’ve always been passionate about history, but for some reason I’ve never really taken action to learning more than I’m taught. However, after the interactive museum we visited of the history of Alsace, I was really feeling psyched to start! Also on our excursion was one of my favorite sites I’ve seen here, Mount Saint Odile. Saint Odile is the patron saint of the region of France I’m living in, Alsace. The view was incredible and the chapel was so beautiful. Saint Odile’s tomb is also there, which was crazy to be around! Overall, it was a great week and weekend.

Photo credit to Efi as we sat down to eat the quiche Efi made, pizza Quynh brought, wine Renata scoured the Earth to find, and the chocolate molloeux I made by estimating ingredients with very little skill in the area of cooking

Horseback riding in the Vosges Mountains… *in France*.

The altar and tabernacle at the chapelle at Mount Sainte Odile. I see you working, Jesus.

Saint Odile’s tomb!

The view from the Mount.

Renata is credited with the artistic skills here

Hope all went well for you too!

Love and Peace,

Jessica

College has been a great journey for me, but it’s been difficult in many areas. Those stories are for another day, but one thing I learned from the difficult parts of college is that the support of others is invaluable.

I’ve always known people that have said they have trouble accepting help. I imagine that that must be one of the most difficult things because even when I think I can do things on my own, I crave the support of others to help me through. This realization was made this past year and reoccurs perpetually. I was blessed enough to receive amazing support in my preparations for this trip, and they have no stopped yet! So I just wanted to add a thank you so so much (seriously.) from me to all those who send me a text wishing me luck, and e-mail with advice, a Facebook message remaining me of your prayers and presence, or a phone call telling me it’s all good. You are immeasurably important to me.

Accepting help during this experience has been vital. There are times when I’m completely overwhelmed and need to be by myself to process or relax, but more often than not, I need others. So when I’m yapping about my rash decision to buy a French phone (advice: check with your phone carrier before purchasing a SIM card somewhere else…) and Erin brings me back to the store we just walked up from or I’m talking myself into a hole about the future and Sinead makes me laugh with jokes about cows (des vaches!) on our million-year bus ride to Mont Saint Michel (4 hours, whatever.), that is what I needed. Or when I get a “we can talk if you’d like” text from Matt whose doing his crazy new seminarian life or a Skype chat 20 minutes after she wakes up from Lorena, I know that I always have (as Jackie reminds me!) so many people rooting for me. This week has been really difficult. It has a lot to do with the deadline about staying for a semester or a year coming up (20 days) and facing the reality that not everything (making friends, self-growth, french proficiency) comes when I want it to (aka now), even if in my head, I’ve given it enough time. So when I randomly blurted out my homesickness to friends on the tram and then was telling the same people what an amazing weekend I had and how great this experience is, that’s just a normal cycle for me. Not the most fun, but necessary I suppose. And so I thank every single person who has expressed support to me or even wished me well in a prayer;  I think that while being independent is a big part of study abroad, so is leaning on others. And I am so grateful for that.

Love and Peace~

Jessica

PS As a note, this post was written during the first month and updated today, showing the constant need for and supply of support I’ve gotten

“Solanger mais pas tuer!”

“Ease/Help but not kill”
That phrase was on the sign that I held this past Saturday morning for a demonstration held by an organization, Alliance VITA, with which my host mom Isabelle is very involved. A small crowd was gathered outside the Prefect building and all were holding signs as they shouted their frustration with the president Hollande and his inaction to make good on his promise of developing programs of “soin palliatives,” or palliative care for those at the end of life as an alternative to euthanasia. It was a great experience to be surrounded by my 4 host brothers and sisters, voicing our stance on protecting those most vulnerable. It was kinda crazy though. I’ve participated in a few marches/demonstrations in the U.S. and this was much like the small scale ones, but in France and in French. It sort of reminded me that I indeed live here now, even if for only a short period of time, and that these issues are not confined to my backyard, but that there are people here who are also fighting for others. Eye opening, I’d say.

Another notable take-away from the morning was being able to chat with my host sister Jeanne, albeit briefly, about her family’s involvement with the organization. What we were talking about really wasn’t important, it was that we were chatting that made me happy. It has been frustrating for me to try to get to know my host siblings because we live on opposite sides of this pretty big apartment, and with 7 people in the house, everyone is always moving or talking or doing something, and it can be hard to have a conversation. Yet I am hopeful that we will develop a better friendship, mostly because I really desire it,  my host siblings are all amazing, and I’m trusting that things will work out.

(My little host brother Martin holding a demonstration sign. He was by far the youngest there but held that sign like he meant it)

(Another picture of the demonstration)

In other news, I had a good week after my voyage to Germany last weekend. My classes seemed to make a little (LITTLE) more sense and I chatted with more people than the week before, which is the goal. It’s a little humorous because I’ve expressed the perpetual confusion that is my study abroad experience and people always will tell you that when you do something like this, you’re going to have a wide variety of encounters, but this week definitely showed that. Highlights were my lunch with friends in the middle of supermarket, meeting an English woman who prayed for my friend Armance and I on the steps of our University after class, getting my bike tires stuck in the tram tracks and almost falling off my bike in front of everyone (the bike stories are endless, ask me sometime), and having casual deep theological conversations with Renata and Jonas, who is a young seminarian from Germany. When I think about all that can happen in a week, I am so grateful for each moment I have here and the chance to reflect on it. Really hoping the positivity stays around indefinitelyJ

Here’s to another great week!

Love and Peace,

Jessica

2 Months.

I’ve been in France for almost 2 months and that’s absolutely crazy. It’s hard to say it flew by, because each day and week sort of felt like a month itself, but looking back at the past 57 days… 57 days! I can’t believe it has been that long. My journey so far has been amazing. Since arriving in Tours, France 57 days ago, I have eaten amazing food, spoke more French than I ever thought was possible, met amazing people, and thanked God for the many many blessings in my life. I’ve been experiencing this in disbelief and awe, which is awesome. However, I’ve felt my fair share of homesickness and negative feelings, which now, (thanks to Emily!) I realized is culture shock.

Reading about culture shock in Holy Cross’ document describing it was a relief and a frustration. I thought culture shock meant that you came to a place and were uncomfortable because everything was different. However, after reading that this is actually a process that is less of a “shock” and more of a gradual thing (read here: (stage 2 right now) http://www.holycross.edu/engaged-learning/study-abroad/accepted-students/what-expect-four-stages-your-experience-abroad), I was confused but also a bit happy that these feelings are actually totally normal. I love that I have this opportunity to live here in France and meet this amazing host family and improve my French. But I also feel homesick, irritable, and  isolated. And it’s normal. And it will pass. Merci mon Dieu.

In other news, this week was the first week of all my classes together. Classes are different from Holy Cross, they are held once a week for a few hours (2 seems to be the norm) and there is no weekly work, only one or two tests, maybe an oral presentation. I have such a hard time paying attention for 2 hours and have become worried that my complete confusion during class will ultimately lead to me failing my classes, but hopefully my French will come through!

Aside from classes, I have done some exploring of Strasbourg, gone to a faith group of young Catholics, spent a lot of time with my host family (scouting, mass, other activities that I’m not aware of until we arrive somewhere and are there for hours). I have a lot of alone time (as was warned of by Jackie, I get it now!) and that often leads me to feel isolated, as it is totally different from my life last year at Holy Cross. It’ll be interesting to see how I grow in this aspect!

For many who know me, you know that my faith plays a big role in my life. I am happy to report I finally gathered enough courage to start fresh with God in the Sacrament of Reconciliation (it was in English, too, I thought I would have to muddle through in French!) and it was amazing. I hope to be present to Him in my journey and continue to thank Him for the amazing blessings I have been given. As the priest reminded me, the Church exists to aid me in my relationship with Jesus, who died for all of us personally, and I intend to use the Church here for exactly that!

As a final note (and excuse to post pictures), Erin and I went to Munich this weekend! It was amazing to get away for a little bit, spend time with a great friend, and encounter so many different things (namely, German language and food).

Love and Peace,

Jessica

PS Had my first Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks in Germany. Yes, everyone that’s been saying it forever, it was so good.

Fantastic things about France so far:

1. My youngest host brother Martin singing songs he’s learned at mass while we’re getting ready for dinner (if you’re interested in a taste: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaTDmFA5oEc)
2. How utterly beautiful is         View from the top of the cathedrale!
3. Dinner. Not only do I get to eat really good food (and dessert :D) but sitting around the table with my family is my favorite time of the day because we chat, laugh, have guest sometimes, and are all together
4. Food. Deserves it’s own point. Did I mention we had crepes for dinner AND dessert last night? Our set up for crepes. It was kinda a “every man for himself” deal
5. Catholic faith. There are lots of churches I can go to, which is cool, but my host mom has introduced me to seminarians, a young adults catholic group, and we’ve gone to mass and other events together
6. Conversations that are fully in French and at the end, you both understood at least some of what the other said
7. Or reading the book that my host sister lent me! I’m really reading a French book!
8. Doing anything normal… in French. 
9. Making French friends, even if my definition of that is meeting that person twice
10. History. The US has it’s own history, but it’s awfully young compared to that of France, and it’s so cool to learn about the history of this country that has been through so much! (In efforts to do this, I am reading my 8 year old host brother’s history book)
11. Makes me appreciate my language and country and nationality more
12. The confusion. I am confused about what’s happening almost half the time I’m here. Usually it works out and good things happen, and if not, at least it makes for a good story!
13. Friends from home showing their love and support. This makes me feel absolutely amazing and I appreciate every text, letter, or phone call
14. Time alone. A walk or bike ride alone is infinitely better just by virtue of being in France (as long as I’m not hitting anyone or anything…)

Love and Peace,

Jessica

Greetings!

This past week was the first week of classes… for some of them anyway. I’ve found that there have been other students who have had similar experiences of showing up to class to find no one there and to learn that the class doesn’t start until next week. That’s the way I met a nice French student who I got to bond with over our mutual confusion regarding when our class actually began, so that was good!

Admittedly, this week was rough. It’s hard to acknowledge that I’m having a tough time abroad because, hello, I’m in France, how can I not be happy and enthralled all the time?! But I definitely wasn’t feeling quite like that this week. The stress of classes, homesickness, social confusion, and French had me down, and I’d say a lot of it was due to my own thoughts and worrying. But as I described my week to a friend, he commented that it sounded like I was having a great time and that he thought it was good that I was focusing on the positive. He also advised me to live in the moment, which, though easier said then done, is good advice nonetheless, and vital for an experience like this. So, no, study abroad (for me, anyway) isn’t always sunshine and rainbows (which is a contradiction anyway, you need rain for rainbows), but I’m trying to take it day by day, trust that everything will work out, and see the positive of all that I’m experiencing.

For example! My host family rocks. I live with a mom and a dad (Isabelle and Betrand) and 4 children, Alice, Jeanne, Francois, and Martin. I think Martin, who’s 8, is still trying to figure me out, or at least still thinks I’m weird for living in his house. But the other 3 have become a bit more comfortable around me and dinners have become the reason I know everything here will be okay. I long for the day that we’re closer, but I am so grateful for what 2 weeks has accomplished!

Another example: excursions! I thought I left the chateaus behind in the Loire Valley but noo! We visited Chateau de Haut-Koenigsbourg on Saturday, followed by a stop on the route de vin de Alsace (route of wines!) in Riquewihr, and had a jolly good time sampling wines!

 Chateau de Haut-Koenigsbourg- Renata and I tested the patience of the knights

 (maybe we should have been more cautious though, those tools they had chilling in there with the knights were kinda scary- José even tested them for authenticity)

So here goes another week, hopefully filled with some sunshine (literally, it’s been raining the past few days)!

Love and Peace,

Jessica

PS Though I don’t have pictures of my family yet, this a picture of their car, which my host dad affectionately called a trashcan of a car. And you thought the French had small cars!

One aspect of my study abroad experience I’ve learned to embrace is the invitation to something, somewhere, with someone. It happens surprisingly often that I am invited somewhere by my host family but have no idea what it is, where it is, or what is required of me. This method of exploration has worked so far, and has brought me to the famous French poet Ronsard’s gardens with Sylvie and her friends, to a prayer group with my host mom Isabelle to hear two seminarians give testimonies, and now to the movies to see Mission Impossible with a group of French guys and an American student from another school. It is a big change from being at Holy Cross to having a clear schedule and stumbling upon things to do!

When Isabelle and I went to the prayer group last Wednesday and listened to the priests-to-be speak, we got to talk to them after. One, Louis-Gustav, is 22 and lived in Texas for 5 years, and was happy to speak in English with me. Yesterday, he came to our door (granted, he’s our neighbor two floors up) and invited me to the movies with another American student (from Michigan!) and his friends. So at 6:30pm (18h30), I went up two floors (I also got confused and knocked on someone else’s door and met some bemused, but nice, people who directed me up a floor) and had dinner with Paris (student from Michigen) and a bunch of French guys who I’ve never met before. And then we watched Mission Impossible in English with French subtitles. What?

Anyway, it was an awesome time because it was unexpected and totally different than my likely family dinner and Netflix night. And that’s such a cool part of this experience thus far. I’ve learned that the feeling I’ve been having here is discomfort (not in a bad way!) and these happenings can make that feeling worse or better, but it’s being uncomfortable here that is keeping me in awe of everything around me. I’ve moved to Strasbourg and have been overwhelmed and homesick a bit, but I’ve also grown to really appreciate my host family, gotten to see the city and university some, and am excited to be a real student here! I’ve also seen myself grow as certain situations I realize I do differently than I would before arriving. For example, when I attended a moving up/bridging ceremony for the European Girl Scouts, (Guides D’Europe) I was chosen (perhaps unwillingly) to be part of a game in front of about 50 scouts and their families. I had to play this game in French and made everyone laugh with my utter confusion and missteps, but as I finished, I was laughing and smiling, totally unconcerned that I just made a fool of myself in front of the entire place. Moments like those are when I see growth and my appreciation for this experience.

I shall finish off with a few pictures of the jolie ville Strasbourg!

The cathedral! France is full of amazing churches and cathedrals.

Love and Peace~

Jessica

PS I love you all. Thank you so so much for reading this and for supporting me always.